I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Less talking, more tequila
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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