She said her name was "party"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
