Please, let me fuck your mom
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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