he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
