thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
