literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my shit smells like andre
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
