I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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