i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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