Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
