Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
