How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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