3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
