She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
