Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize