my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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