I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
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Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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