I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.