she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...