I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
