Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Yeah, i think she was German or something.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.

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  (405): Yeah, i think she was German or something. (1-405): No dude, she's just got a speech impediment. http://tfl.nu/y6oj
  Replies (4) Good night (704) Bad night (1177)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'll alert the authorities

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  (513): someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet (330): I'll alert the authorities http://tfl.nu/v6wq
  Replies (8) Good night (1277) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters

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  (949): the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters http://tfl.nu/l7fh
  Replies (39) Good night (4907) Bad night (891)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  WISH UPON A TAMPON

  (718): View more from New York

  They constantly get farther than me.

  (718): View more from New York

  tampons.

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  (917): WISH UPON A TAMPON (718): They constantly get farther than me. (718): tampons. http://tfl.nu/tcn2
  Replies (45) Good night (624) Bad night (3577)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.

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  (248): I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent. http://tfl.nu/jxt2
  Replies (108) Good night (13854) Bad night (1152)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

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  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (16637) Bad night (2184)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps

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  (703): I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps http://tfl.nu/dpvm
  Replies (8) Good night (4200) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis

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  (518): Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis http://tfl.nu/kplw
  Replies (18) Good night (7075) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.

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  (614): i told you the emergency thong was a good idea. http://tfl.nu/5gc7
  Replies (3) Good night (3142) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.

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  (858): Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in. http://tfl.nu/efr3
  Replies (12) Good night (4459) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Now have a vodka water and get your shit together

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  (612): Now have a vodka water and get your shit together http://tfl.nu/ex6u
  Replies (6) Good night (2417) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore

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  (401): um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore http://tfl.nu/seg6
  Replies (11) Good night (756) Bad night (2284)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.

  (817): View more from Texas

  I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot

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  (270): The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys. (817): I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot http://tfl.nu/5unc
  Replies (2) Good night (1328) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad

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  (812): Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad http://tfl.nu/owz5
  Replies (5) Good night (733) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.

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  (405): I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level. http://tfl.nu/exjq
  Replies (0) Good night (388) Bad night (195)

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