and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
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Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day