hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
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And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!