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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  The beer is more important than you right now.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"

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• (206): View more from Washington

  i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.

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• (716): View more from New York

  He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day

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