She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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