Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
