Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
