Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
