Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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