mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
