Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
