Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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