he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
