Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
