My sheets look like a crime scene.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
