If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
