sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
