ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
