i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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