Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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