i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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