Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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