I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she told me i tasted like america
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
