How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
