So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize