dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
