six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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