If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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