How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
