I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
