well most of my day revolves around power hour
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
