i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
