thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
