I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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