i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
