Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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