he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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