3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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