So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
