One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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