She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
not ubering you a puppy
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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