I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
