He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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