True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
