I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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