Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Randomize
