I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize