i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I believe in your delicious
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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