moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just forgot I was standing up.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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