yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
