But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
