i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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