Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
