Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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