On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
