i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
