mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
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The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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