If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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