So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Blood and glitter go together right?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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