i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
