There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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