Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
